<-- You Are Here

During my last therapist visit, the conversation came to my upfront confession of having obsessive-compulsive qualities around organization. I do like cleanliness, but my big thing is organizing. I told Therapist I think having a bit of OCD in me is quite functional. She responded that she thinks a lot of that quality is a good thing (though not to the clinical extremes).

Hmm... has Therapist opened a neatly packed Pandora's Box? See, my secret delight is having"authority figures" agree with my seemingly warped view of the world. Oh, what validation it brings! And she's given me therapeutic license to stack, situate, line up, orient, file, and color-coordinate myself into a self-indulged coma!

Cue the satisfying exhale. Commisery loves company!

I live in what some people would refer to as neatly-arranged pseudo-chaos. No one has ever said that to me (in those words), but I'd admit it before anyone else did, so I come off as self-aware and modest. That's my other issue. Therapy is so much fun!! I've spent my entire life monitoring my own thoughts and behaviors (ranging from reflective to self-critical(<-- see, that's a monitoring statement right there(which means I need to comment on it, as I have clearly done))), searching for connective tissue, and then, POOF! I can hire someone to do that for me! With me!

She's like my internal tour guide, showing me the secret passages that connect all the attractions together. That realization makes me feel like a spectator to my inner workings. The proverbial stranger in my own house. And I assumed all along I was the director. Turns out, my control is limited, my input sometimes scarce. How laissez-faire of me!

Odd how I've lived in this body all along and never knew my way around. But I guess the corridors are ever-changing, stress occupies various waiting rooms, and thoughts wander through it all, as thoughts tend to do. Who has time to keep up with that? I have distractions to attend to! Truth is, the best we can do is sort it all out (in an orderly fashion) as best we can, and hope we are in control when we need to be. But being in control is my other issue. And that's for another post...