The Crew

I've been enjoying work very much lately, thanks to the addition of some hilarious jokester co-workers -- Watson and Toph. Watson is my new roomie since MamaBean left me for the sweet suite on the first floor of the House of Condemned Splinters. After a brief moment of seriousness (oh, it couldn't last for long), we fell into this step of bizarro humor that can best be described as askew.

Like we pretend to be really serious about something until one of us laughs. And we do it to this ridonkulous melodramatic level. We pretend to be offended by anything, like someone talking in the hall. Watson will say to me over the partition "Gosh, they don't have to scream at the top of their lungs." And I'll shoot back "They are always like that when their off their medication." It's so incredibly lame, it's funny!

Watson tripped a few times when we were walking on campus, and I accused her of being this histrionic belle who fakes accidents for the attention. We ran with that one for a while. We were talking about something once, and she bolted around the partition and said "if you ever say that again, I will slit your throat!" We're such dorks. I think I'm cheating on my Feyonce with another woman. Best keep this under wraps cuz she gets insanely jealous!

And I think my vocabulary is cancerous. Today Watson and I were getting soda-pops at The Mine and we were going on about something or other. Oh, we were talking about the giganti-soda for like, a nickel. And I said "Well if you haven't noticed, I'm trying to be a healthy purchase." LOL! What the fook does that mean?

And Ambiguously Straight Guy is mad jealous that I have an attractive young woman sharing my office. Of course, I'm not sure who he's jealous of... He's still giving me the mixed messages. When I told him about my new car, he didn't seem excited. I explained how much horsepower it had because I know he likes that kind of stuff. He says that's nothing and looks up his truck to show me how much more hp it has. So I'm all "I didn't realize this was a pissing contest." Last week, he invited me over to his place to watch Snakes on a Plane with him. Um, hidden meaning there? It's weird how I'm so put out by how un-complex and uncultured he can be, yet still find him (at times) quite smoochable that I want to pounce on him. Hhmm.

Which got me thinking... gay men have this way of bonding with straight women because we have no vested sexual interest in each other. But for me, it's more than that at times. I think it's easy to be myself and unfettered around friends (especially women) because nothing is at stake. In romantic scenarios, it's too easy to hold back because I don't want to show interest too soon. And there's the whole getting-to-know-you routine. If only I could parley that openness when it comes to potential romance... is that even possible without sending mixed messages of my own? Could it come off as interest when it isn't? It's worth investigating. I've got nothing to lose.

Well, I lost my writing steam, but there's plenty more to say about The Crew, including Toph, Advagounoush, MamaBean, Blurt McLoud, JP the British Boss, and the rest. I'll save it for a future installment.


Allie D. said...

I love reading about your social exploits, even the ones at work. You're such a goof and it reminds me of our varied times together.

You know, I find that I bond with members of the opposite sex irregardless (I knew using that "word" would get under your skin) of whether there is the potential for a romantic bond, usually because I can just be my "guyish" self and not feel so out of place. LOL Of course if I am REALLY attracted to someone, then I act girly. Oh what fun. :)

Army said...

Allie, your comment made me immediately think of those times we'd be in my car with the windows down, pulling up to a stop light, and faking a big fight to see if people would react to us. So stupid, yet so hilarious!

"Who the fuck are you?"

"Who the fucking fuck are YOU?"

Ah, sweet memories.

Army said...

I have to admit, I love your mannish qualities, too : )