Motivational Hypnotism

I find this term to be quite oxymoronic (or perhaps just moronic). I first heard about motivational hypnotism from Foster's friend when we went out to eat this weekend. He was talking about how some corporations bring in these motivational speakers (ugh) to essentially work their martial arts (or hackery) of hypnosis on the audience. The idea is that workers will be more motivated on the job. I call it shadow training... or perhaps it's just brainwashing.

As it stands, most people are already hypnotized by the boring work they have to do. And now we have to alter our consiousness into another state in order to go to work on time, be a good little crony, and continue our workaday lives? At least experiment with mind-altering drugs first, so that we might enjoy the experience! I mean, we as the workers reserve the right to go into our own comas or catatonic states at our leisure, right? It's called "seeking sanity by avoidance" in the classic "job that ate my brain" scenario.

But seriously. I know there are benefits to meditation and hypnosis. They have scientific backing. And that's not to say that a one-on-one with a hypnotherapist may not help someone to work out a motivational block. I'm open to that idea. But to pay ol' Kreskin his circuit fee to pop in for his one-man "act" and tame the masses on the edge of karoshi, eye-stabbing boredom, and sanity because of their Stepford Managers, I say enough is enough. Resist, brothers and sisters. The Empire won't be satisfied until you live at work, clapped in irons, maximizing profits by minimizing your life!

And to you, nebulous and impersonal corporation, I'm hip to your tricks. And your tricks ain't for kids. So let's have an adult moment, shall we.

[Army and The Corporation sit at a table opposite one another, each with their hands folded and ankles crossed. The Corporation looks smug, but Army knows its weakness. Loss margins.]

Army: I beg that pixel of compassion in your metaphorical heart to show some reprieve. You've taken enough from us. We see you more than our families and friends. You have sapped enough souls and created enough disorders (and then profitted on us because of the mark-up on medications, thank you much). Show us your mercy.

The Corporation: ...That does not compute... Enter proper language codes... Invest in the talent pipeline... You cannot boil the ocean... Collateral target leveraging drives the bottom line...

I could not respond to its meaningless onslaught. My words were useless against The Corporation because it only understands the language of buzzwords. A language I took an oath never to utter again... but at what cost?

I'll get you next time, Gadget. Next time.

4 comments:

mr. F said...

Big Companies just want to maximize profit. They don't care about consumers or the employees. Work laws should be global and more strict. If another country (i.e China) has loose work laws then all indrustries will go there and then the workers from other countries will have to either abandon their rights or stay unemployed.

Global Work Laws. A standard is needed for fairness in the world.

And don't be an avid non-boycotter!

Us gays should be the spinning wheel of the world, not the modly grass (omg what did I just say?)

Be a rebel Army!

An Army of Rebels! :P
Don't let them manipulate your body and mind with toxic delights.

Bubz The Troll said...

They said in Ye Olden Days Of Yore (1970's I think) that automation and computers would give us more leisure time. 6 hour work days and high pay and benefits for the same amount of daily production. However Corporation decided that we should work those extra two hours for our same old benefits to produce even more crap that no one really needs. Calling us "Consumers" when we were really becoming slaves to the slowly weakening and not so mighty dollar and all of these material things that "no one can live without". And guess who gets to use all of that accumulated leisure time that we were promised. Corporation. While most of Europe gets several weeks even months of holiday leave we slave away with glares coming our way when we take even one day off.

Benny said...

Maybe you should just wear a green tie....

It's the power tie of tomorrow, today!

Army said...

But Mr. F, I like the manipulation. I can't get enough of the chemical swill and tasty delites! I've already been injected with their tainted love : )

Ah yes, the promise of Utopia, right Bubz? I guess we're still waiting for that one. Technology has just meant we should now do more everywhere all the time. Or as I call it, omnitasking.

Benny, I'm losing it over here! I completely forgot about the dumbass presenter we suffered through! Thanks for the laugh!!