Non-Men, Non-Boyfriend, Non-Date

Dear readers, I have returned! Did you even know I was gone? Come to think of it, I didn't get any frantic emails asking about my absence? No pleas for more stories, more updates, more thinks...

You bums!! Pay attention to me!!

Okay, I'm done with my histrionic episode -- I wouldn't be a blogger if I didn't hatch some ploy for attention once and a while...

I was away most of last week because of a conference in Indianapolis. I had a great time hanging out with coworkers, stepping out for the evening... oh yeah, I also learned a lot about my profession too ; )

One of the highlights was going out for dinner and drinks with JP the British Boss and one of the Biz-nass advisors. We started at this Irish pub, in which I consumed two Bailey's on ice and a Murphy's stout. Dinner for me was monte cristo. JP and Mr. Biz both got bangers and mash. The conversations were all over the place. I kept eyeing a hot waiter and the cute host boy. The girls next to us were singing "Living on a Prayer" waaaaaay out of tune. After dinner, we headed over to Ram for more drinks and a lively discussion about kids these days. Another Bailey's for me. I turned in at 2 a.m. Oh, did I mention I had to present at 8 a.m. LOL

After our presentation on Saturday, Feyonce and I decide to hit the downtown mall for some real shopping that the Paign just can't offer. I have a confession -- I really like H & M, even if it is mostly eurotrashwear. Some of it is a mess, but I bought a grey zip sweater with red trim -- it's swanky AND is extra long for my long spindly arms! Thank god for svelt Europeans!

Anyway, as we're going round the stores, I can't help but notice how un-men menswear has become. Capri pants, cutsy underwear, and carry-alls? I'm all for metro and getting in touch with the feminine, but we are still men, right? Guys, am I right? So what's with all the manpri pants, manties (men panties), and murses (man purses) out there? What happened to Bermuda shorts, boxers, and a wallet? There can't be that many gay people in this world! And by the way straight white men, quit trying to encroach on the minority fun! Trying to be blacker, latino-er, gayer, female-r... you get unparalleled access to power positions and wealth -- get your own identity!

And speaking of which, has anyone seen Carson Daly recently? Is he trying to get an ethni-change? He looked faux-tanned with relaxed hair when I saw him on his show? Was it just the lighting that episode? I don't normally catch TV, so it's been a while since I saw him in his Total Request Live days, but he looked supiciously like he wanted to look like someone who was ethni-cool.

I teased Feyonce about her Non-Boyfriend. She refuses to use the term, which I find humorous. She kept picking out these sheer outfits at all the stores, which I called fore-mal wear (i.e., foreplay pre-sex romp-wear). She was all "but it's 50% off!" To which I replied "and it will be 100% off once he sees you in it!" I'm so happy Feyonce has a Non-Boyfriend Man Lover.

And speaking of which, I had a hang-out with my internet pursuer. Note how I will not use any of those familiar terms either. He came over to hang out for a bit and watch a scary movie. He insisted on "Session 9" as he had never seen it before. We agreed the only way to view such a movie is with all lights off. He admitted to getting freaked out during creepy movies and said he may need to "cuddle." During the movie, he kept edging closer during the unsettling parts until we were touching under the blanket. And we did huddle for a while, which was nice. Afterward, we watched the special feature that's creepier than the movie. Allie can attest to that! Then we talked for a while about ourselves, photography, and listened to some music. Turns out he's been inside Ashmore Estates, too! Each of us tried to play a song on my piano that's the most out of tune piano ever -- we pulled the dischord on that pretty quickly. Then he left with our plans made to watch another movie again soon.

It felt natural for only having a few conversations beforehand. Even though he's more touchy-feely than I am (which doesn't take much), it didn't feel forced. And I like that. I will have to take back my earlier judgmental wise-ass comments... well, not all of them. That would require me to erase my entire blog!

Now comes the hard part. I have to come up with a name for him! Who knows... maybe he'll become my Non-Boyfriend?


Vicki said...

Hey, "I" missed your blog... even though I was there in Indy for the evening to see you receive your award... which was NOT mentioned in your blog. I know that you don't 'brag' on yourself when it comes to those things, but YOU deserve the kudos!I'm a proud mama!

Anyway, I'm anxious to hear more
about 'whatever his name will be'.

Did you remember to tell my future non-daughter-on-law I asked about her? I loved meeting everyone from your office, and had a great time with them at Cheesecake Factory!

By the way, I hope you got my message and was able to grab another program for me. After I fell, I totally forgot to grab mine. (Just to let you know, the cause is a Baker's Cyst. It forms behind the knee. But, the good news is, I'm going to make it!)

CONGRATS again (on the award and the yet-to-be-named man in your life!

Zeke said...

urgh I have also found that dating while 30 is fraught with odd words

Allie D. said...

Well, I for one missed you!!! But I figured you were busy, since you actually work for a living. What is that?? I missed your witty obervations, but the wait paid off ala "manties" LMAO!

And I am thrilled to see that you are amending your previous statements about your man-friend.

I must also say- I am VERY relieved that you made it back from Indy in one piece. Very.

Robert said...

Here's a complaint if it helps you feel needed:

What, your hotel didn't have internet access? That's no excuse you could have went to the nearest Starbucks to keep us updated.


Army said...

Hey Vick -- yes, I'm not one to brag on myself, but thanks for giving me the props! I enjoyed our time together as well, and my co-workers just loved you (as if there was any doubt). They definitely could tell we were related, and not just by our looks :)

Zeke, I hear you brother. It's hard for me to use those familiar terms... including the word cuddle. I just do not like the word!!

Allie, I somehow knew you'd get a kick out of the word manties! I think I know you too well by now :)

Touche, Robert. Touche! LOL

Sarge said...

So, is this guy serious enough for Mom & me to meet him? Hmmmm???

I'm pleased that you're finding a comfortable friend with which to spend your time.

CSG aka LD said...

hey, it's great your back. You never know what happen to people thousands of kilometers away, and I was really getting worried. So sure I agree with Robert!

Allie D. said...

So apparently you understand more my status as not only a lush, but my penchant for low-brow humor.

Good stuff! LOL

fiance said...

Here's my LATE chime in...

Manties is CLASSIC Army. I nearly cried when it was brought to life in my presence.

It's true, I can more comfortably say "humpathon" than "boyfriend." Part of it is I don't want to give up the singlehood I'm so comfortable with. But also, do 30-somethings have BOYFRIENDS? Thre's got to be a better word! Possibilities (I've used these): manfriend, a guy I've been talking to, sugardaddy (ha!). Army, PLEASE inject your wit and provide me with a more grown up (or at least entertaining) term for my non-boyf...