Like A Calliope, Army Let's Off Some Steam

Movement One - Rage Against the Machine

I may work in the asbestos infested Nexus to the Portal of Hell, and sure, at any moment the whole damned thing may cave in and kill me, but at least I don't work for the college on our campus that recently joined the Axis of Evil. I have decided to protect its anonymity, so I'll refer to it as the College of Biz-nass. They operate like a bunch of Imperialists in ivory palaces. And underneath their white gloves are gold-ringed greasy fingers eager to clutch wads of sweaty money. They probably have a money bin like Uncle Scrooge's somewhere on campus. And I bet they hate babies, too.

So what bothers me about Biz-nass? Is it that students need a 6.0 GPA to get in? Or their elitist velvet rope mentality of growing a small college...on a campus of 31,000? Or their lame inability to be honest so they can come off as good guys? Don't get me wrong, I think majoring in Biz-nass is ultra boring and oversubscribed. But the only thing worse than another Economics class, in my opinion, are snooty little trolls with bad attitudes towing the college line.

Biz-nass skirts the rules, throws their weight around, makes up their own policies, and they carry on unchecked. Worst off, they aren't student friendly. That's what mostly pisses me off. They are alumni friendly. And corporate sponsor friendly. They are running Biz-nass like it is a business. And the only thing worse than snooty little trolls are corporate fat cats smoking in the back room, sipping brandy and talking war strategy...while kicking puppies and using bullshit buzzwords.

Show some dignity. If you want to be all superior, do it with class. And remember, you are here to help the children. You know, those bodies in your classes paying ridiculous tuition for your snooze-a-thon classes in Finance blah blah blah?

Movement Two - Rage Against the Brattlings

Around 9:30 p.m. last night, I'm driving Schteener to her car, and we see all these students heading to the campus bars. These are probably the bums who don't come to our appointments because it's too cold, too wet, too warm, too early, too late, Friday, Monday, or any other lame-ass excuse. But don't they look lively in their matching shirts on the way to a bar crawl? Schteener asks what's bringing them out to drink on a Tuesday. I'm like, because it's a Tuesday. Or a Wednesday. Thursday. No excuses required when hoochies, dudes, and cheap brew are involved. Homework stands in the way of no undergrad!

Can you tell we've been overworked and need a break? We don't really despise the kids, but some of them make you wonder.

Then I start my tirade:

"Little brats can't be bothered to show up to class or even pass their exams! But they all want to go to Biz-nass and cash in their degree for a high paying lucrative management position! Not going to happen! They should all just drop out right now. Or better yet, they should attend the College of Booze-ness! Can I major in Alcoholism? I want to get a B.A. in Drunkeness. That's just B.S. !"

I think it was more eloquent as I said it, and I had Schteener hurting laughing. You should see me on a rampage. It's pretty funny when I let off steam. And maybe this is too situational, so you all aren't getting any of this. Inside humor!

Movement Three - Rage Against You

If you're still mulling over what a Calliope is, do I have to spell it out for you? Go look it up for crying out loud!!


Allie D. said...

LMAO @ College of Booze-ness.

When you get right down to it, that's what most students are attending those four years.

I never did get the whole "business" major. When someone tells me they're majoring in business, I literally get a Zzzzzzzzzzzz sound in my head.

It's like that scene from the Wayne's World movie when they are pretending they are in different states and they come to Delaware and they're like:

Delaware. Look. We're in... Delaware.

Robert said...

Movement One reminded me of Dilbert. The College of Booze-ness is called University of Wisconsin at Madison. From what I've heard buisness schools basically teach students how to screw the little guy.

Army said...

Good analogy, Allie. It definitely gets a gaping yawn from me.

Now now, robert. I NEVER said it was the College of Business. You're reading into things : )

And yes, they love giving the big screwjy to anyone they can!

Anonymous said...

And it's still damn funny to me...