A Night Like No Other - Part 2

Before you continue, make sure you’ve read Part 1 of this tale…lest you be confoosed.

So we left off with everyone deciding to hoof it to the Gay Dance Club that will somehow be more comforting to Conflicted Jock. Crazy J is leading the way with a hot-foot, which I’m all about because I’m a speed walker. Slow pokes drive me nuts. Conflicted Jock is grumbling about going to the gay bar and Definitely Single Guy is giving me the knowing eye. Sheesh. Conflicted Jock asks why we’re walking so fast. Then, as if imbued with an articulation unbecoming of him, he asks, “Can you set more of a glacial pace?” Glacial? How metaphorical for Jock. I was taken aback by his words. Crazy J gave him some sass and continued his river rapids rush.

First off, I love how this club stamps you for drinking age. If you are under 21, you are stamped as a “bottom.” If you are 21 or over, you are stamped as a “top.” Don’t you love it!? Cheeky!

Let me preface this entire thing with a historical fact – I NEVER see anyone I really know here. I’ll notice people from around, but never do I run into friends or acquaintances. Also, I NEVER get hit on here, except a few times by one random barney. I’m not trying to be all “I’m too cool” but it’s the truth. The one socially awkward guy seeks me out (or has his sassy roommate do his dirty work – but that’s another story) and it gets weird.

Within seconds, I see my friend B-Dub and his boy, El Nino. We’ve always talked about going to Gay Dance Club together but never have. And we randomly ever go there, so what are the odds. I temporarily abandon my other peeps for my two boys. Intermittently, Crazy J stops by to “check in” with me about his status of being bad and misbehaving. Then off he disappears into the crowd. B-Dub introduces me to his friends from out of town. One is Social Guy who’s already met EVERYONE at the club. The other is his friend, Louis Vuitton (named so because B-Dub noted his Louis jacket (and not a swap-meet Louis either), which was otherwise lost on me. Could have been from Old Navy for all I knew). Eventually, DSG pulls me aside by the poker machines (no innuendo) to debrief me on some hoo-hah about Conflicted Jock’s behavior. He’s all upset by his weirdness. And dude is weird. It’s just a vibe you get around him.

Then I get pulled on stage to dance with Crazy J. And we’re being all dirrtay but in good fun. B-Dub, El Nino, Louis Vuitton and Social Guy join us on stage, and I make my rounds to dance with each of them. It felt surprisingly fluid to intermix with everyone, and not like that scene in Mrs. Doubtfire where she’s running back and forth between the tables at the restaurant. Well, and shockingly, no one was dressed like a woman there, except the women. Including the Three Hot Lesbians. How could I forget about them?

At one point I find myself next to Conflicted Jock, who’s all “How do you know everyone here? You have guys all over you.” And he’s not being condescending, more like intrigued and a bit bummed he’s not getting hit on. I try to explain what’s going on. And he’s like, “I hate gay people.” Say huh?

Confusedcious says, “Speak in dissonance and non sequitur.”

I try to spin it with “How can you hate gay people? You’re here with all these wonderful guys and your gay friends?” I can’t remember his response, but whatever. Dude’s chewed.

DSG pulls me aside again for another one-off debrief, this time about some guy he met online who was there, and was acting like he didn’t know him (or some blah blah), and something about his boyf being there and trying to assert his presence. Quite honestly, I blocked some of it out. And Conflicted Jock was lingering, probably thinking DSG was all talking about him. Just go find a dark corner and f**k each other already. You’re both driving me crazy.

Crazy J pulls me back on stage (this time on the elevated platform) for a more intense and suggestive bump-n-grind-fest. I play along because he’s beyond tipsy and I was having an already surreal night. As I’m coming off stage, I see someone I notice. She used to be a student worker in our college. I’m all, “hey!” She does a double-take and is like, “Oh my god! I can’t believe I’m seeing Army here!” She’s all stunned and says, “So you’re gay?” “Yep. You didn’t know?” She’s all, “I need a moment.” LOL We chat for a while and that eventually melds into some freaky-like dancing. Crazy J comes over to hang on me and says something to Stunned Student. I can tell SS is tipsy and her friend eventually pops up behind her to escort her home. Before leaving, SS hugs me and is like, “Wow, Army. You know I would have f**ked you.” SAY HUH!? LOL – This night is cracking me up!

I turn around and B-Dub is there smoking a cigarette and sipping booze. Smokes and drinks. I pause with shock. I’ve NEVER seen him smoke or talk about it or anything. I’m all “Who ARE you???” He tells me he only smokes randomly when he’s drunk. I’m like, “Your name is changing to Suddenly Smoking Guy!” El Nino had apparently given him a nicotine clearance before going across the club to talk with the only other guy in town named El Nino (obviously not his real name, but suffice it to say, his real name is so rare I never heard it before).

Social Guy chats me up for a while about all sorts of stuff, and he tells me how he knew Conflicted Jock from a few years back and he was conflicted back then. Social Guy's all "he gives me the creeps!" Yeah, I dig, man. And as it turns out, a bit later I have one more heartfelt convo with Conflicted Jock. He confides that he wants a nice guy to "make love" with. Um, you want a guy now? You mean one of those gays you hate? He comments again on how all these guys are chatting me up and he’s by himself. He tells me it's his last night of being gay. I'm all, "What, are you on gay death row?" He says something else, and I’m getting this vibe that he’s insinuating something to me, but I wasn’t going there with him. Clearly his brain fog has kept him stuck at that crossroads on that Bi-Way.

As the evening comes to a close, all my storylines comes to a crazy climax. Crazy J propositions me. Outright. That was very surprising because even though we were getting jiggy, I didn’t get a sense he was into me. And as Crazy J’s driving hard to get me into his bed, DSG tells me he needs to drive Conflicted Jock home so he can put this night to bed. And Crazy J is making a strong case with the ultimatum “now or never.” Seriously. And B-Dub is there to back him up, saying if he wasn’t with El Nino, he’d take up his offer. Some friend! And it’s nothing to do with Crazy J because he is cute. But I just don’t roll that way, especially with someone who’s drunk. I know I’ve disappointed some of my friends with that statement (you know who you are!), but my Mom would be proud!! LOL

So I explain it to Crazy J, DSG is practically tapping his foot and his watch, Conflicted Jock is looming, and Social Guy swoops in to ask me not to leave. What’s going on? Louis Vuitton suddenly siddles up to me (with whom I’ve said basically nothing that night) and asks, “Are you leaving?” As I’m being pulled out the door, Louis adds, “Do you need a ride home?” LOL - What kind of Twilight Zone have I fell into?? All these men driving hard to jump on me… it was like running the gay gauntlet. Was it a full moon on Saturday? It was flattering, but also quite disorienting. What was going on? Was it all that brain-rattling music and dim lighting?

Whatever it was, the man drought turned into a Noah-style man flood! And despite the man-handling, I left man-less. By choice. It was truly a surreal time. And I have to admit, the attention was kinda nice. I’m still perplexed by it all, as I do not see myself as someone that guys openly hit on. Especially from my past experiences.

Conflicted Jock, DSG, and I all chat on the way back and a bit more tension ensures between those two. DSG is bad with directions, so I play navigator. Along the way, we find Bliss Street, and I have a thought. This night was blissful. It felt fun and good, and I was very pleased I didn’t decide to be a homebody again. Once Conflicted Jock was returned to his Mom’s (hee hee), DSG confides his attraction for Jock is gone, replaced by frustration. We debrief a bit more and part ways. Yeah, he's clearly ONLY a friend to me. He's still too much into himself and too much of a control freak. And to come from me, THAT'S saying something. I wish I could share DSG’s better nickname with you all, but I want to keep his real name anonymous.

I call B-Dub (Suddenly Smoking Guy) when I get home to debrief about the evening. He tells me that Social Guy really likes me, and I can’t help but laugh. Join the club! I thought more about the night as I washed the ink off my hand and the smoke from my body. Confidence and extroversion are powerful. They can tip the scales in social settings, making you seem more attractive and approachable. Because I met so many new people and familiar faces, it was a combination that drew me out of my otherwise isolated social self. As a psychology major, I already knew of these concepts, but it feels different when it happens to you. I didn’t realize how powerful it could be. I should have remembered my hero, Albert Bandura!

After all is done, I have no regrets. Well, maybe I should have went with Crazy J. Then I would have had a Part 3 to report... That'll have to be for another night, another post.


Vicki said...

OK, Army, as your mama I can't pass this one up! First, I "am" proud of you, and am happy that you chose to get out of the house, and had a great time!

After reading Part 1, I could hardly wait to read the cliffhanger, Part 2. I now look forward to the collaborative efforts of your novel with ramblergirl! (I hope you don't take as long to write it as Mr. Jordan does though!) LOL

Allie D. said...

Ah... potential to become man whore, you have! Let it consume you, do not!

As an aside, Conflicted Jock was freaking me the hell out in this story. I hope you never run into him again. He reminds me of some guy who is gay but is so ashamed of the fact that he would become violent toward others about it.

Robert said...

The full moon was technically on Friday night at 11:13 pm EST, but it's effects last for about 24 hours before and after.

Confused Jock reminds me of Chris Cooper's character Col. Fitz in American Beauty. He was the self-hating-gay retired marine with the dope dealing video freaak for a son. Hmm. Maybe he's joining The Ex-gay ministries that I heard about on NPR yesterday. That was good for an eye-roll or three.

Vicki, I'm wondering when your son's blog is going to be turned into a movie. It's better than Bridget Jone's Diary (the novel).

ramblergirl said...

It's better to be the in-demand person with standards who goes home alone than the person who does the walk of shame the next day when the social buzz wears off.

I must say though, the hookup with the guy on gay death row may have been high quality. I mean, as we all learned from Seinfeld make-up sex is trumped in quality by conjugal visit sex, and extending the prison analogy would imply that death row sex, even on gay death row, would have been the best of all! Something to keep in mind for next time. :)

bkdubya said...

So glad to be included in one of your fantastically spun tales. The funny thing is that as cute as the story is, it's totally and 100% true. Love it.

And while, yes, I did enjoy ONE cigarette, it was my "one-cig-per-annum" ration. I might not get to smoke my one cigarette in 2007 with the new smoking ban.

AND...In my opinion, the best part of the story is that I've thought about introducing you and Crazy Jock for a while now. How ironic, ya know? We bootheel boys have to stick together, ya know?

B-Dub (a.k.a. Suddenly Smoking Guy)

CSG aka LD said...

yeah, the wait was worth it!

Is that one above really your mom?? I didn't even tell my husband I have a blog, even though I do not post about much personal stuff. I guess we have different reasons for blogging.

Army said...

robert, thanks for the kind compliment! You have been a loyal reader, for which I am grateful! And therefore, I expect to see you at my first book signing!

ramblergirl, trust me. You don't want me doing anything with that guy!

Bkdubya, thanks for vouching for my story! The bizarre part is that is needs no embellishment at all -- it's stand-alone crazy! You were going to set me up with Conflicted Jock? What kind of friend ARE you?

And yes csg, that IS my mother!! She's becoming my number one fan
: )

Sarge said...

Ah, yes, Army... Leave them clammoring for more! Tease them with your wit and occasional innuendo, and then go home alone. It probably drives them crazy! er, crazier!

I truly did enjoy the story, and am looking forward to reading more. But now I have to get back to work.