Gone Wild Series: Astronauts Gone Wild!

In our society, it's already old and busted news about Astronaut Lisa Nowak going bonkos over her rival lover of Bill Oefelein. Your average straight man would normally swoon at the chance for two women to fight over him, but craziness is an X factor no one signs on for. And maybe there's an armed forces rivalry at play... Lisa, the former US Navy Captain, saw this US Air Force Captain named Shipman (of all things), trying to cruise her not-friend/not-lover Navy man Bill. One blip of Shipman on Nowak's bitch-dar, and it's periscope depth for her!

Wow, love IS a battlefield. Thanks, Pat Benatar.

Anyway, there's something about the kooky cocktail of a wig, trench coat, BB g
un, pepper spray, diapers, a knife, mallet, rubber tubing, trash bags, and two parts crazy that rouse my curiosity. Only MacGuyver could put such an arsenal to better use.

And then CNN decides to launch their own truth-seeking rocket to find out how NASA will neutralize AstroNUTS gone wild in the confines of a steel tube drifting in space.

The headline was just so campy:

NASA has a plan for dealing with a mentally unstable astronaut in space
* Instructions: Bind the astronaut's wrists and ankles and tie them down
* Inject the out-of-control astronaut with tranquilizers if necessary
* A gun would not be used; a bullet could pierce a spaceship and kill everyone

Investigative integrity be damned! Let's roll out the showmanship. Besides, bondage and syringes sounds like a typical week night at my place. I mean, seriously.

Personally, I think they should have called it "Stopping Astronauts On A Tang-ent." It's more tasteful, really.

5 comments:

Allie D. said...

I like bondage too. I am serial, you guys. LOL

And a huge BRAVO on Tang-ent!

Army, you truly are my favorite. :)

bennie said...

I say we just let the expert on the subject have his say:

"I'm not a nut I'm an astronaut but I drink a lot when I wake up in a Florida motel room. And all night long we got it on. You're not a slut you're a cosmonaut but you screw a lot all the boys who want a genu-ine spacegirl. So all night long we got it on, we got it on, all night long. In the Mir."
- Dogbowl

I think that Dogbowl is ready for just about any situation. I'm just waiting for the non-cartoon version of a whale walking on land, and perhaps a submarine captain with only one eye...

By the way, apparently he has an album from 1989 called "Tit! (An Opera)." I might just have to track that one down. :)

msquared said...

I bet you were just dying to use the Tang pun inthere some where.

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Army said...

Oh Gouda, you's my favorite person, too! We're MFEO!!!

Bennie - how could I have forgotten to consult Dogbowl on this one? His lyrics are all-wise, indeed.

Msquared - honestly, I didn't think of that until after the idea of the post came to be, but you better believe I HAD to include it once it popped into my noggin'.

The Laughorist said...

Army,
That's a bittersweet, if, um, fruitful, Tang-ent. Excellent wordplay, per usual.