Comedy Hour

It's hard work to help the children. We're at the ass-end of a long autumn strangle at work -- registration time! It's when my job becomes a call center for the helpless, the procrastinators, those who choose not to read, and those who are not active participants in their education. What I affectionately term - the dregs. And it's bad when a procrastinator player-hates his own people. But c'mon people... please.

In the office, we constantly trade stories about student meetings that have left us shocked, dumbfounded, and downright pissed off. Folks, start weeping for our future now. We got some up-and-coming winners making their way to the job market. But don't worry too much... their parents are micromanaging it all, so it's cool.

Anyway, we always see students who either want business or pre-med or engineering blah blah blah. You know, the BORING AND TRITE majors. Choosing a major isn't free association, folks!

Me: "Say the first thing that comes to mind! GO!"

Student: **insert regurgitation noises**

I'm quite happy with the students who can cut it in those disciplines and have a genuine interest with the good to back it up, but for the dregs who won't let a bad nightmare end, you just want to scream, "What are you, some kind of idiot? What the fark is your problem? YOU CAN'T CUT IT!! Your grades are abysmal! IT ISN'T GOING TO HAPPEN! Now face reality or do me a favor and go PLAY IN TRAFFIC!!" I'm a humanist, by the way.

So a fellow advisor was talking to this business wanna-be who was getting huffy over his lack of skills for getting into the ivory tower of elitism. Diligent as she is, she tries to explain it's not an option and asks about his back-up plan. Crickets. She discusses some options in Liberal Arts and Sciences, to which he replies, "I don't want a useless degree." Jackass. It's people like this that I enjoy being their Dreambuster -- they get a proton-pack of reality jolted right in their face!

Like how many people in this world have LAS degrees? A bajillion. How many of them work in a company doing "business" stuff? A grillion. How stupid is this kid (and all of his ilk)? Infinity!

Today I invented a new reply to this kind of statement: "Yeah well, there really aren't any useless degrees, but there are some useless people who earn them." I want to take this one for a test drive so bad!

I'm determined to turn the pain of the job into a pleasure. Potential hitch: Can you have a comedy hour with no cocktails, though? Speaking of which, my Sis-n-Law got me hooked on pineapple rum and fruit juice. I may have to bring some to work in a concealed container for secret sipping. And a dime bag from Humboldt County.

Let the Dreambusting continue!

5 comments:

Allie D. said...

My GOD that's a perfect zinger, Chris! If I ever have an occasion to use it on somebody, I'm gonna have to. lol

I'm not a rum fan, but that cocktail sounds good. I've taken a particularly keen liking to vanilla or cherry vodka and coke.

It is to die for...

ramblergirl said...

OK, again with my disappointment that your burgeoning love of alcohol comes after I've left. That won't be going away.

And I love the line about there being no useless degrees but useless people who earn them. I may co-opt that one for my own use, giving you due credit for coming up with though. :)

Robert said...

I have a useless degree. It's an Associate degree as a Micro Computer Specialist. More or less it was two years of learning how to use a screw driver to take apart a computer and put it back together. Oh and how to put an installation CD in the CD-ROM drive and press a few buttons on screen.

Army said...

Please, feel free to use this as often as you like. I get royalties for each utterance : )

Robert, you do NOT have a worthless degree. Because you earned knowledge from it... and by golly, that makes you useful! Say this as your daily affirmation : )

Robert said...

Oh. I'm not saying that I did not learn anything useful. But tell that to a prospective employer who expects a 4 year degree and at least as much experience with the latest version of Windows. And since the degree is now 8 years out of date and I've had no jobs in that field during that time, it is now truly useless.