There Goes The Neighborhood

Literally, my neighborhood is vanishing before my eyes. I received two separate letters from the city within a week of each other. The first letter informed me that a city tree on my property was being removed because of its poor health. Not sure which tree it is, as there are four "city" trees on my land, which I can only assume are the trees between the sidewalk and the street. It's either the big guy who sheds bark like my brother's sharpei... or it's the lil guy next to my driveway with the white circle on it. I think the lil guy has been tagged for the chipper... he doesn't look all sickly, but I'm not the City Arborist (yes, it was capitalized in the letter). So what do I know?

For a $20 fee, I can "apply" for a replacement tree and select from a list of choices. Then this fancy City Arborist will review my application, assess my land, and pass almighty judgement. If this Godfather of Flora approves, I'll get my tree replacement... WITHIN TWO YEARS! Let's not put too fine a point on it! Freakin' mob syndicate. Try planting a Gofuqurself Palm. Two years.

Then I get another notice, initially thinking its more shady dealing of this City Arborist, but I find a map inside. Hmm. I turn it over and see a House Moving Notice. One of my neighbors is applying to physically move their house. And I can make comments at some City Council meeting. How about, don't crash into my house while you're at it, but if you happen to doze through the sickly tree, no foul. I think it will be cool to watch the house uprooted and whisked away -- I'll definitely throw a House Moving party with some front-row seats!

What I find most humorous is that the house moving project will occur "sometime prior to December 30, 2006!" They can move an entire house within a month but the tree, well, may take a few years. Oh well. You can't fight City Hall.


Allie D. said...

You gotta love government. Whether at the local or Federal level, it operates at about the level of a Commodore 64.

bkdubya said...

People's Republic of Urbana... geez. Thank God I live in Champaign. ;)

Pawlie Kokonuts said...

Well, you can't fight City Hall, but maybe you could move it, by the end of the year.

Army said...

Pawlie, too too funny!

jbwritergirl said...

Hey Army,

We also got a notice several years back that they were going to replace the curbs and repave my street. When discussing this with a neighbor he said he'd gotten the same notice only he'd received in 27 years prior. Go figure! City Hall--blah, blah, blah.

They did finally finish it all and now my street is a freaking speedway. Thanks City Hall!