You and Whose Army?

I'd love to see a law firm called Dearth and Bevy.

I want to create a clothing line of jeans targeted for gay men (besides Express for Men, of course). My label will be called Homojeanous.

I know two people who have the most distinct handwriting I have ever seen. I need to create a template of their letters and make a font for each of them. The best part is, they have the perfick last names for font names: Mulvaney and Sturdyvin.

Can someone please teach two horses to play pattycake. That would be funny. I still need to see a bear riding a unicycle, too.

I want to go by myself to a restaurant and give them the name Pity. That way, they can call me as "Pity, party of one?"

My children will be named: Vaughn Ravenscroft, Zefram Diaz, Zyatrice Frost, and Gypsy Jones. Too bad I don't want kids...

Musical groups I currently belong to: Crisis Averted, Two For You, Pepperstroke, (edited in post-posting) Warren Peace

And speaking of music, I want a company named Vestigial to create a line of organs.

I've decided that my new theme song is Radiohead's "You and Whose Army?" Check it out sometime.

11 comments:

Allie D. said...

OMG- I had forgotten all about Two For You!! LOL What was the name of the song you and Corey came up with? I do remember your very distinctive dance...

And the image of 2 horses playing patty cake actually totally brightened my morning. Thank you for that.

Army said...

Allie, our Two For You songs were:

- Love ya, love ya, love ya
- I'd Rather Die Than Not Love You
- God Must Have Sent Me Here to Love You

If the rest of you couldn't tell, Corey and I were going to be the next big boy band. Our first album was going to be "One For Me, and Two For You." We woulda been hawt!

Army said...

Ooh, how could I forget my solo career as a Midwest burbs rapper:

Warren Peace!

I could call my first album "Shuck Corn, Suckah."

Robert said...

I just don't get the whole idea marketing seperate line of products for gays. Do gays have a completely differn'r physiology from straights that I am unaware of? And why are non-gays called straight anyway? Are gays crooked? These questions and more answered on the next Maury. lol :)

Gregor said...

For a second there, I thought I was reading Lightning Bug's Butt. Neat post.

Army said...

Well Robert, we can't have marriage or civil unions, so at least give us our own clothing line! We like to shop and are into fashion after all!

And as a bit of trivia, the term straight used to refer to homosexuals who became "ex-gays" by following the so-called straight-and-narrow. As you can imagine, this movement was and is largely perpetuated by fundamental faux-Christians. And like most words, the meaning has changed over time.

Robert said...

Still, it seems like a sort of self imposed segregation/aparthid

the Laughorist said...

Great capital (or lowercase) PUNishment. HAhahaha. The NPR car guys, Click and Clack, isn't their law firm Dewey Cheatham & Howe?

bkdubya said...

Today I'm on a capitalist binge....

The reason to make and market Homojeanous jeans or to use the Big Gay Movers (they come complete with a pink truck!) is twofold.

1. It's important to support businesses in your community. Similar to the reasons why African Americans may choose to buy from black-owned business, they realize the struggle and inherent discrimination in the system, and want to help out their peeps.

But 2. (and most importantly) Someone should make and market Homojeanous because SOMEONE WILL BUY THEM. Much like the Pet Rock, if there's a market for it, sell it. The gays are big spenders, and if it sells, sell it! It's the glory of the Market at work.

:)

Allie D. said...

BK- You are about 95% genius and hit the nail on the head.. You lose 5 percentage points for being a Republican, however.

Allie D. said...

BK- You are about 95% genius and hit the nail on the head.. You lose 5 percentage points for being a Republican, however. ;)