Making the Band: Crisis Averted

Ever have a funny story that only people present in the moment find humorous? Well let me try to convey such an anecdote in an even more difficult format -- electronic type!

Context: I went with Feyonce, Janky, and Jess to the "Taste of Champaign" this weekend. If you have ever been to the Taste in Chicago, erase all notions you may have that these events were similar. Just imagine a gathering of the dull and trite restaurants in your town set up in a park purveying their food and drink. You've imagined the Taste of Champaign. Which as a side note, really sucks, because we have awesome and unique restaurants here that could totally jazz up the affair...but what-ev...

So we purchase our tickets and our goodies and seek out shaded environs. Hot guy walks his dog by us, we all get a blip on the homometer (thanks for the upgrade, Allie!) But I did a lap in front of him and later Jess manufactures a reason to ask him for a light and he's either distant or snob-and-a-half in both cases. Barney.

You now have backdrop. To the real point here. This live band is playing up some funky music, and not in a good way. For example, they cover "Honkey Tonk Bedonkey Donk." Seriously. And this one song featured the lead singer belting out this weird reverb that can best be described as a record stuck in a skip-loop atop an off-balanced washer spin cycle. And he hit some nut-clutched falsettos. All around not so good. I check out the schedule to see who the honk these guys are, and it's "Hurricane Gumbo" of course! Let's just say they creole-ly sucked.

So Feyonce and I start joking about our own music group where we all have names that are weather phenomena. We cracked up because, you know, we're easily entertained. So we keep riffing and come up with the following: Feyonce is Avalanche, Jess is Flash Flood, Janky is ATMS 120 (which is a class offered on campus entitled Severe and Hazardous Weather, but it sounds cooler to say "AT-MOHS 120), and I'm Fujita Five (for the tornado intensity scale, of which 5 is the most devastating).

This snowballs, of course, (pun intended), and out of no where, I come up with the band name "Crisis Averted." Don't ask me why or how. Just laugh at our wittiness! Then things got really crazy, and I decided our first tour would have an astronomical theme (because that's related to weather patterns and climatology, or at least I want to think it is), which I seductively entitled "Big Bang in the Black Hole." Cue the hook to pull me off stage.

Anyway, we thought it was hilarious, and we will be performing live karaoke at Yardstock in Champaign on August 5, I believe. Which is basically a party in someone's backyard, but every band must start off somewheres. Don't worry, I made sure it didn't conflict with opening night of "Snakes on a Plane." I haven't lost sense of my priorities! Our first numbers will be "Rock Me Like a Hurricane" and "I Love A Rainy Night."

So put your hands together, show some love, as you pick up what we're putting down for ya! C'mon y'all, make some noise for CRISIS AVERTED!!!


Allie D. said...

And it's perfectly timed for AFTER I leave! Thanks alot!

avalanche said...

Don't forget the *actual* musical talent that will occasionally be featured...Mr. J. Laroe.

Seriously we should reconsider being a band since we can't carry a tune in a bucket. What about motivational speakers? That has all kinds of possibilities. We could encourage kids to make the right choices (thus averting crises), steer wayward students towards an inspiring degree NOT in Business, prep the next Miss Taste...

Army said...

I like your idea, but then our stage names lose something if we are merely motivational speakers. Maybe we could sing tunes that encourage people to avert crises? Since we all can't sing, perhaps it will be like a spoken word thing.

I think Miss Taste of Champaign needs to be in our first music video!

mr. F said...

I think you should post a video or something! But in mute.