Folks Is Crazy: "Can you hear me crash?"

People, please. I'm not sure if this epidemic plagues other burroughs quite like our tech-friendly college town, but I notice it almost every day. In the immortal words of the Backstreet Boys, "Tell me why!" Why do people talk on their cell phones while RIDING A BICYCLE!? Seriously.

I generally don't lament and curse car operators on cell phones unless they are swerving like drunks and seem oblivious to the true task at hand. Then we got problems. But the bicycle...that's plain ridiculous. How you gonna respond quickly trying to pedal and keep control with one hand, handle bars all wobbling as you hunch over gabbing desperately about drivel. "I love you more! No, I do..." Derp.

Especially in this madhouse of cars, busses, pedestrians, and bicyclists that I call the University of Illinois campus. We've had two pedestrians struck by busses and killed in the past year because of the hostile mixture of all these players. What's so important you can't pull aside and talk? More importantly, what's so important you have to answer your phone WHILE RIDING A BICYCLE!?

How many times have students answered their phone in my office while in an appointment to tell the person calling they can't answer their phone!? WTF, people? Think about it -- we aren't always 100% reachable, nor should we be expected to be. Our culture has fostered that implicit assumption, but I'd think self-preservation and good old-fashioned common sense would take hold at some point. Engage your brains, college students! That's why you come here, isn't it?

So here's to you cell phone talking bicycle operator -- I have no empathy for you, and I will give you the crook-eye, and I secretly wish you will get into a minor accident. People these days grow up in bubbles of comfort with safety nets, and sometimes you have to learn by scraped knees and broken bones. And it just might be a black and white MINI Cooper that gets you there. Can you hear me know?


Allie D. said...

Natural Selection strikes again!! hehehe

I have yet to see a person holding a cell while riding a bike, but given the prevalence of Blue Tooth headsets, I'd say that probably is why.

Laura said...

That's the funniest picture I've seen in a while! Yeah, if you're gonna ride and phone, get a headset. At least he's not wearing a helmet, so chances are better for him to not survive to procreate when he runs into a truck head-on while chatting.

Jonathan said...

I saw a guy on a motorcycle on the phone today....natyral selection? It's more like evolution.

Army said...

Agreed, ladies! I can see the headset as plausible and less crash-tastic.

Although it still makes me wonder why we find it difficult to detach from technology for just a bit. Oh well.

And Allie, I fear that natural selection has been shadowed by medical advances in life-saving and extending. We can't weed out the garden like we used to.

Army said...

Wow, they've evolved to the motorcycle already! Is it me, or do we all just have a death wish or something?

bb said...

Enough about this cell phone business. Have you heard about this new band, Crisis Averted? They're so hot right now!

mr. F said...

I take it you own a black and white mini cooper?

I find it very annoying when they talk on the cell while doing something else that could be dangerous hadn't it your full attention.

Some people just drive desperately slow just because they can't drive fast and talk on the cell. arg

Army said...

All true, Mr F. I do own a MINI, and I have a picture of it on one of my really early posts.

Anywho, all this craziness is a testament to modern living. Watch out for the traps, man, and more importantly, watch out for everyone else around you.

Robert said...

I have no link to it, but the Simpson's episode where Homer gets a cell phone is a classic example of this in it's most extreme.