Flirting With Disorder

So I take Mom to Red Robin at lunch today for Mother's Day, and our server is hot! After he takes our order, Mom and I have a conference and decide he is most definitely gay. Then I think, it figures that I live 4 hours away in Champaign where there is a gay man drought. I always seem to find the gay hotties who give me attention when I'm far far from home base.

Anyway, Tyler is flirting with me and finding excuses to come back and talk to us. So I'm flirting back and we're all joking around. He has beautiful eyes, nice lips, and an earring that was sexy. And I don't usually like earrings on guys, but he was an exception. He was also tall and slender, a seemingly perfect match.

Mom tells me as he leaves our table that he's eyeing me from behind. So I'm thinking, should I say anything to him? Is there even a point? Army needs a little action : )

He's telling us about why he is in Ohio (father is in the military) and that he's from Oregon and would like to move back there or to Colorado. All places that I dig, mind you. He is very quick and witty, which I find attractive. I gave him a hard time for persuading me to get the lunch special taco salad, we were kidding with the manager that the salad was dangerous (it had 5 tortilla wedges sticking up into points) and I later told him I cut myself and needed stitches. Then I told the manager our server was horrible and when Tyler came back, I was going on about how I praised his service -- at that time, the manager walks by and says, "You're fired." When he's talking, I'm slurping on my straw like I want a refill. This went on the whole time we were there. Mom and I were having a blast and each time he came back, it seemed more certain he was interested in me...and then...

Tyler mentions his girlfriend (needle across the record). Huh? I'm telling you, Mom and I were dumbfounded. The looks he gave me. The attention. The way he carried himself. What the hell is it with me and ambiguously straight men? I'm at a loss right now because it would seem my gaydar is beyond dysfunctional. This is starting to piss me off.

So I did what any sane and rational person does...I spent two hours trying to find him on the google and myspace. It's official, my desperation has become disorder.

9 comments:

ramblergirl said...

Could he be bisexual? I know I keep asking about that, but it's the often overlooked group that makes these things so hard to call.

Damn the metrosexual movement for making things so confusing. It isn't easy for us straight girls trying to figure it out either. :)

Jonathan said...

I hate the ambiguously straight man! Sorry bout the meal, dude. The boy wanted a tip. If you ever need any pointers on trying to convert a straight guy let me know. It could take up to six months and will probably only last for one night. I kind of get the feeling that's not your thing. Also, no worries on the Google and MySpace search. That's what the internet's for! We still on for the 27th?

Army said...

I did explore the bisexual angle and it's a definite possibility. It's just the girlfriend comment that puts the kibosh on everything. I can only hope it is merely a fauxship-springboard into full-blown (no pun intended) homosexuality.

Jonathan, I will definitely have to get some lessons from the master because this doesn't appear to be an isolated problem for me. If you can't have them, convert them (if only for a short while). Did you get my email message re: May 27 and X3?

Allie D. said...

Chris- You need to replace your Gaydar with a Homometer 5000. I hear they are much more accurate. ;)

Now you must tell me, where in the hell is the Red Robin in Ohio??

Army said...

Thanks for the consumer report, Allie! I haven't been keeping up on the latest tech gadgets...they sell those at the Wal-Marts?

And I can do one better than telling you where Red Robin around here...we can eat there when you come visit!!

bkdubya said...

"That's the worst thing to happen to gay culture since straight men started dressing gay." - Jack McFarland.

mr. F said...

i hate metrosexuals. They are confusing everybody. Jonathan you should write those pointers in your blog!

Jonathan said...

Good idea Mr F, I recently related the story of bagging a straigt boy. But I didn't give any pointers. Sometimes it just happens, sometimes it works. I will think about posting, in the meantime, if you have any questions let me know. Yes, Chris I got you e-mail, are you still up for me driving to Champaign on MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND. <---meaning I hate to drive during the holidays. Let me know! You better be good in bed. ;)

Robert said...

This sounds almost like an episode of Jerry Springer