Boy Meets World

A week without internet service has reminded me how much I enjoy a good web cruise in the evening. Due to some internet service provider upgrades (which hopefully include connectivity), I've been deprived of the superhighway and therefore, my blog. So this is what it looked like? I had forgotten, it's been so long!

(Chris rejoins the future)

So I've been dealing with a sassy bird whenever I'm in the front yard working on my garden or mowing the grass. I think this robin betch has some brattlings incubating in my bushes because she's a territorial old sort! I was out front today putting an auto timer on my faucet and there she was, fluttering about, eyeing my sideways, and mouthing off. I thought she was going to dive bomb me for a minute there. Cool your jets, baby. Besides, your kids will just grow up and either be embarassed by you or resent you for getting the last worm. I say leave 'em in nature's hands because parenting is, well...for the birds. (insert ample booing)

And now for the next invention from the mental manufactory, my debut book entitled "Parenting Schmarenting" with co-author and friend Jill (i.e., ramblergirl). We are working on such exciting chapters as "Earning Your Keep By Pulling Your Weight" and "If Spanking Is So Wrong, Why Does It Feel So Right" and my favorite "TV, DVD, VCR: The Babysitter Has Many Names." The best part is neither of us are parents...let's face you, you parenting lot are too biased.

We will also have promotional tie-ins with our second motivational book for dating singles, "No, It Actually Is You" and my child sedative aerosol spray called "Hush Little Baby." Because sometimes, Mommy and Daddy need some peace and quiet.

Ladies and Gents, Army is back in the world!


mr. F said...

I love your book titles! Did you think of them yourself?

Army said...

It is true - Jill or I came up with the titles, though I can't remember who specifically thought either of them up. Since this is my blog, I will take the sole credit...until she comments here to defend herself, the glory is all MINE!

Truly, it was a collaborative effort between us because this is the kind of thing that hatches when we are together and left to our own devices.

Jonathan said...

Don't forget a whole line of booze, entitled "Mommy's Little Helper!"

ramblergirl said...

Appearing to defend myself at last!

I think you forgot my favorite in our self-help book line though, "Faux-ships," all about relationships that are based on some kind of fraud or lie. With such stellar chapters as "Crushes: Just Because You Haven't Been on a Date Doesn't Mean it's Not a Relationship" and "Frenemies: Secretly Hating Those Around You" it's another goldmine in the works.

If there's an acutal audience we need to get writing!

Allie D. said...

Hey, you forgot to add in DVR to the babysitting list. We can't live without ours, which is packed with about 7 hours of Dora the Explorer, Blues Clues, and other various avenues to mommy's insanity.