Business As Usual

I took a healthy chunk of my Sunday to review resumes for our upcoming search. I relocated to Aroma for some fresh brew and concentration time to pass judgment over 50-60 applicants. As I read and read and the words became a blur, a particular applicant snapped me from my highway trance -- she mentions in her cover letter that no two week notice is necessary because she operates her own business (which was conspicuously absent from her resume). Is this woman really self-employed or just unemployed?

And if the latter, when did unemployment become running your own business? Did she think that going about her personal busyness was her business? Maybe she figured that she could write it off on her resume, like some kind of pride tax. Too bad she got audited by me because I'm calling her on the "clearly detail your employment history" rule of thumb -- or as our math teachers in middle school used to say, "Show your work."

Then another applicant listed a Masters of Science in Home Economics. I kid you not! How 1950s is that program? It reminds me of those old filmstrips where we see Jane the dutiful homemaker wearing an apron and taking classes to please her husband. Even now I can hear the distorted, almost monotone voice over (set in front of some cheesy synthesized muzak): "In the not-too-distant future, the modern wife can enjoy the conveniences of a technological society. (beep) With a state-of-the-art robotic workforce around the house, Jane can forget a few of her chores and do more to provide a comfortable living environment for her family. (beep)"


Sew What?

So this guy at Aroma sitting at the next table is cross-stitching. It strikes me as odd that a guy would choose to do that in public. I'm all for him breaking the gender stereotypes, but most men would closet that hobby or at least not put it on display. He was this stocky, masculine guy with a nose ring, sitting there with his plastic box of stitching materials, threading a needle through a pink hoop. Pink. I was in stitches! And it was kind of serendipitous because I broke out the thread and needle to reattach a button to my shirt earlier this afternoon. Perhaps there was a fate pattern to all this related needlework? And speaking of patterns, I had to figure out what this guy was creating. It took several glances and some progess on his part, but I finally saw the big picture.

It was a scene of 4 unicorns drinking at a bar. Serially! One was passed out on the floor, and another is slumped over the bar. And there they are, horns attached on their heads like permanent dunce caps. Then again, if you missed Noah's Arc and ended up a lost species, it would drive you to drink, too. And you'd feel a bit like a horse's ass yourself.

There you have it, readers. Our expectations change with our experiences. Life itself is a stitch-up. Our minds lace what we know into a pattern of ideas and in the end we hope the picture makes sense. Sometimes a stitch in time saves nine. Other times you lose a button. But you can always mend what comes undone and create something new using your imagination. Just make sure you aren't fabricating your employment history or weaving tales on your cover letters because it's a sure way for your resume to become a resu-maybe-not-so-much.