Soft Drink Formulas

Okay, look. These debates have gone far enough, so Professor Army Armstrong is here to set the record straight old school-style. No, not that tired old soda v. pop debate. This one is far more important to settle! I can no longer tolerate the "soft drink x tastes like soft drink y" utterance, so it must end here and now...

That's right, I'm laying out the proofs concerning the taste of soft drinks (using Coke as my example) in mathematical formulas. Rationale? Soft drinks are created by use of strict formulas. And let me be clear -- if you tweak the formula, if you contain it differently, if you change the timing of ingredient mixture, or if you remove sugar or caffiene, it will change the experience!

What seems like common sense clearly isn't because people contend me on this all the time. I may not know wine or beer well, but Coke...Coke, I know.


Today's Lesson Plan on Taste

1. fountain Coke ≠ canned or bottled Coke

2. McDonald's fountain Coke > any other fountain Coke

3. Diet Coke ≠ ≠ ≠ Coke
(yes, Diet Coke drinkers actually argue this with me)

4. no, even caffiene-free Coke ≠ Coke
(don't give me that look, you)

5. oh yeah, Pepsi ≠ Coke
(that's why they are different beverage companies all together)

6. and for godsakes, RC Cola is the worst cola that exists or ever will exist!!

Now go forth and spread the knowledge because knowledge is power.

Class dismissed!

8 comments:

dbv said...

i had a friend in atlanta who worked for coca-cola and his job was traveling around the country and sending back samples to the lab to make sure that companies were following the exact recipe when dispensing the product... nothing tastes better than coke... but, the sugar and calories catch up eventually... so i gotta give it up and i'm trying everything... no luck yet... i'm gonna miss coke...dbv

Jonathan said...

A friend was telling me about a study that was done. It wasn't a "blind" taste test. People were told what they were drinking, coke or pepsi. They did monitor brainwaves during the tasting. The reults were pretty clear, Most people preferred the tast of pepsi to coke, the pleasure part of the brain light up. Pepsi is sweeter, and doesn't have much of an aftertaste. When peoples were told they were drinking coke the part of the brain that light up were associated with self esteem and ego. So it concluded that coke was #1 because it made people feel better about themselves. Coke is a part of America, it has embedded itself into our history. Now if you don't mind, I need to go get another Diet Mountain Dew!

Gregor said...

Love the post, made me laugh. I agree with what Jon wrote, but I think Diet Coke tastes sweeter than Coke, Pepsi, or Diet Pepsi (in a good way, not the mouth-full of sugar way like regular Coke).

Anonymous said...

Of course Diet Coke doesn't equal regular Coke, it's a million times better (she says as she sips from her glass of diet coke by the computer).

RC is only topped in badness by Diet Rite, the worse excuse for a soft drink in the history of planet Earth. I believe that one is no calories, no caffeine, and no sodium. Seriously, what's the point?

Army said...

Dearest commenters, you make excellent points!

dbv, I've been blessed with a solid metabolism (for now), but yes, all good things usually end. But dammit, I just love my chemical swill : )

Jonathan...so who funded this "taste test" anyway?? Sounds like Pepsi had some purse power behind the findings...I mean, who prefers Pepsi!!

And Diet Rite...yeah. Seriously, drink water or juice or something else. You've ruined everything that a soft drink is meant to be...

Which brings me to the ultimate point that we all agree on. We love our favorite drinks for wonderful reasons. And just look at our small sample diversity! But despite our separate tastes, one thing is certain...no one can say that a diet or caffiene-free tastes anything like their regular equivalent.

Now, back to the chemical swill we love so well...

Allie D. said...

It's Coke all the freakin way!!!

I will never convert to diet sodas. I don't care if I'm starting to look like Sally Struthers on South Park.

Coke makes me feel orgasmically happy and no one can take that away from me!!

Unless I'm eating Taco Bell. Then it gots to be Mountain Dew.

Mountain Dew + Taco Bell = Nirvana

Army said...

Taco Bell...how I love thee...you know, the drive-thru is open late...

(scratches head)

Laura said...

Dr Pepper all the way, man! Or, if I have to, Mr. Pibb (I think that one actually has a period, as opposed to the period-missing Dr).