Gone Wild Series: Turkeys Gone Wild

This is the first post in a series of three seemingly unrelated incidents that happened to coincide with one another in a twist I can only describe as serendipity or perhaps, even fate.

If you have ever been to the University of Illinois or know someone who has, you have likely heard about the squirrel epidemic. That's right, everyone has at least one squirrel story here because the furry punks are everywhere! A squirrel once chucked a nut at a co-worker and one of them stood its ground as I approached, perched on its hind legs, front paws clutched into tiny fists, as if to say, "try me, betch!" In fact, on Facebook, there is a group called the Squirrel Counterterrorist Task Force and about 20 other groups related to the furry rodent. They were C-U's number one menace...until now.

Enter the wild turkeys. It's literally all the town can talk about. Wild turkeys have found their way back to Illinois since being gone from this area basically since the early 1900s. Taking the bus to the shuttle lot from work one evening, the driver slowed for what I assumed were pedestrians. Upon further inspection, it was two gobblers! On campus? Weird, but I didn't think much of it at the time. Until a friend called and told me these birds are the talk of the town. People are calling up morning radio shows to share their turkey stories. And these things are not docile...they attack something fierce! Stories of people being chased, fending them off with swinging bookbags, being rescued by passing motorists, being held up in their homes or blocked from enter buildings (now THAT'S cock-blocking in its original form). It's like some feathered posse moved into town and is roughing up the locals. The News Gazette ran a feature about the capture of these guys. Apparently the police, animal control, and Department of Natural Resources can't quite decide who's responsibility it is to detain these wandering thugs. Um, let me just say that we are in the Midwest, the NRA is big around here, and I think there's an army of hunters and gun-toting yokels who may get all vigilante for the promise of an early Thanksgiving unless the authorities can "git 'er done!"

Meantime, all we can do is sit back and enjoy the comedy. I was talking to Brandon and Iker about it at dinner today, and on my way home, I saw all these cars slowing down and sure enough, the turkeys were crossing the street! There was a guy with a video camera...yeah, seriously. I busted out laughing and called Brandon to make him jealous.