Mental Manufactory: Syndrome Syndrome

Do you suffer from chronic time-wasting?

Do you find yourself putting off important tasks until the last minute?

Do you put the "pro" in procrastination?

If you answered "Yes" to any of these questions, you may already be one of the millions of Americans that suffer from Dragging Feet Syndrome.

Dragging Feet Syndrome is a debilitating set of non-specific symptoms that include restless thought, distraction, idleness, and procrastination enabling behavior tendencies.

Now is the time to actually do something. Now there is both help and hope.

Ask your doctor about Azingear. This drug works at the laziness sites in your brain to stimulate miserly activation cells. Or something like that. Does it really matter? We've probably just created a clear capsule chock full of neat sugar beads so you think something is really going on. Or we're poisoning you for our profit. But nevertheless, your well-being is at stake. Dragging Feet Syndrome is a gateway condition that may lead to such scary things as Volitional Affective Syndrome or Productivity Disruption Disorder. And that's when the bad shit goes down.

Why wait?

Do you want your family and friends to hate you?

Because they may already...

Don't join the Future Procrastinators of Tomorrow. Get your Azingear today. And find yourself on the road to recovery, consumerism, and drug-driven happiness once again.


kEnny said...

Someday, I intend to diagnose myself with a case of Lethargy Activated Zonally Irritated Inattentiveness , but I'm not up to it yet. I guess I'm just in a bad place right now.

Pawlie Kokonuts said...

Brilliant. Perfect. Excellent. As good as any story or fake ad in The Onion. First-rate. (And thanks for your fine comments at my place.)
P.S. The graphic design of your blog is terrific. I wish my space (nonproprietary name) looked as professional.

Army Mom said...

WOW! I was wondering what I would do, and now I know I can get the help I need! I've been suffering from DFS for some time now, but never knew there was actually a name for it! I didn't see a link on where I can place my order, so please respond as soon as possible...or at least as soon as you get around to it...

Bubz The Troll said...

Why aren't you writing comedy for TV?