Conspiracy Theory

Upon a moment of reflection and post-Friday debriefs, I have a few theories regarding my evening with Maybe Single Guy. Let me recount the details of the eve with an investigative eye:

The Pre-Screen

Point of contact: He emails me about going out with friends to see my interest level. Non-confrontational, no chance of a date request rejection, a safe and easy approach.

The Art of Magic

In retrospect, he was really good at this. He started his getaway story early. A distraught friend with no where to go will be staying with him this evening. The perfect "out card" in the deck of tricks.

The Assessment

As I mentioned, we don't know each other all that much. But twice he got fairly intimate with me, but not in a sleazy way. When recounting a story in the car, he touched my hand to emphasize a point. Later, he got within three inches of my face (head on, not like mouth to ear) to ask me a question. Testing the waters, perhaps?

The Interviews

Like trying on a pair of pants in a fitting room, he was looking to see how snug I was at the waist, if the cuff was too big, if sitting down caused the fabric to cinch or constrict, and how I made his butt look. Then he showcased me to all his friends to get their opinions -- how does this look on me? Is this something I can wear to any occasion or just when I'm going out on the town? Do you think it's good quality? Worth the price tag?

Remember on Seinfeld when Elaine liked the dress at the one store, but thought they had skinny mirrors, so she takes it to another store for the second opinion of an unbiased mirror? This was like the second run to movie night at the Orgy House.

The Ruse

As I think back, the phone call at Orgy House may have been a getaway maneuver. I noticed MSG and Russian Guy talking back and forth, but I figured it was RG being sassy and insinuating that MSG and I were going to hook up or whatever. Then I thought, what if MSG had a friend ring his cell so he could step away and take the important call from Distraught Friend? With abbra cadabbra, his disappearing act was complete (with a flourish)... and I was totally the Dazed Spectator. I had no clue it was going on, partly due to the Perfect Set Up. Thus is the art of magic.

The Tourist Rebuttal (i.e., Chris Needs Help)

It's possible that MSG did not do any of the above, and that he simply likes to make cameo appearances at various venues. He could be a tourist like that. Because he was out of sorts due to problem at work, going on little sleep, and his social dilemma with The Host at the birthday party, maybe he was a bit more antsy. So maybe Chris is over-theorizing, but I tell myself its for entertainment value, so what's the harm!

Only time will tell, and I have decided that instead of backing away, per my usual mode of operation, I'm going to keep an open mind, and see what happens. It's not like we can get married or anything...


Allie D. said...

I look foward to an update on this situation... Say what you will about the Art of Magic, but you have the Art of Theorizing down to a science, yo! lol

ramblergirl said...

Interesting analysis. It'll be interesting to see what his true motivations were, if we ever learn them. I'd say that some of your possibilities hold up and that he's probably not uninterested, if that makes sense. He may just be cautiously interested or as you said you were, open-minded. Not bad in any way, but of course fodder for the post-date analysis.

Bryan said...

That's how these things get started, something happens and a few people get together and get to talking and then before you know it Lee Harvey couldn't have shot JFK from the book depository and skyscrapers don't fall in upon themselves when jet fuel fires quickly burn in but a small section of them...rumours, gossip, sensationalism...after all, do you think the whole world gets together on your behalf to cook up a story to put you on? What, are you on the Truman Show? But then again, maybe there is something in there; Guy has Out Story in the works from the get go, friend in town but friend not with him? Suspicous. And we all know Russians in America are almost without fail KGB agents conspiring to gather intel to sell the new emerging Asian Empire under the hegemony of China, you've got one of those, RG is right at home in this conspiracy. And, as they say, just because you're paranoid doesn't mean their not after you. You've got the right attitude on it in any case, just roll with it, look at it as a developing chapter in that book.

Jonathan said...

Chris, I'm glad to see you haven't thought about this too much. Loves ya

Army said...

It can never be said that I don't know how to spin a tale! As Bryan mentioned, it's doubtful that this whole ruse was concocted for me (how egocentric, after all), but just maybe there's a bit of reality amongst the machinations.

Corey said...

Hey Chris!

Thought I'd chime in a little late. While the analysis might be, shall we say, slightly overwrought, I do think that MSG is interested. The invitation to the party, the hand contact, good signs. You weren't too snug at his waist either and the cuffs were the right size, but you did make his butt look a little big.

Anyway, I think the ball is in your court. He might be waiting for you to make the next move. You should ask him out to dinner or a movie or stand outside his living room window with a creepy look on you face. All great ways to move a relationship forward.

Robert said...

Hmm. This theory sounds amazingly like something I read in Maxim once about how to get out of a blind date gone bad or something like that.