Army the Apothecary

Well, it appears a career change is in my future! Forget my job of advising the youth of a nation because my true calling has rung me up. I'm going to be an apothecary! That's right, an olden days pharmacist!

Really, you ask?! Umm, not really, you goob.

It's like this... I had my strange and metaphorically romantic encounter with Chatty McBlabby the Stepford Manager, which eventually led me to share my idea for my child sedative "Hush, Little Baby."

Now I'm coming up with other medications. I derive a strange pleasure from making up drug names to see if people believe they are real.

"Yeah, my brother is taking Dylozanex. Ever heard of it? No? Sounds legit, eh?" Yeah, so I can't keep my ruse up for long because I crack myself up too much.

Sylvia and I were talking about what a drug like Dylozanex would treat, and she suggested diarrhea of the mouth. HAHAHA!! I love it! So what would Biprevidan treat... constipation of ideas? I know some people who would benefit from a B & D cocktail (Oh, Chatty? Come out, come out where ever you are...)

So I come home today to find some killer magic mushrooms sprouting in my backyard. Check 'em out! I could do some business in my neighborhood, especially with my drug addicted "neighbor" Linda, who hit me up for some "milk money" one day by way of a really shady scam story. Like what kid needs MILK to survive? Just tell me you need booze and pills and a fix. I'm more likely to reward honesty. Linda needs to work on her material. Or take an acid trip on one of Army's delicious joyride fungi. What's the going rate these days?

Lesson learned: Sometimes the world delivers your destiny to you. Sometimes your choices lead you to your lot in life. And sometimes it's just a lot of rain and a rotting tree stump. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a date with a shroom cap... and a bottle of ipecac!


Marsha said...

To lessons and destiny..Be good, be safe....and try to stay out of trouble.

Allie D. said...

I wish they would finally get around to marketing what I think would be a boon for people who are totally hating life:


The Microist said...

a goob...that's anew term for me. Short for goober? Just curious. I guess I focussed on the microdestiny part of this: one word.

Army said...

Yes, the microist, a goob is indeed derived from goober. For some reason, I like to think a goob is a lower form of goober, so much to the point that you'd not like to waste your breath on another syllable. And now that I mention it, this is not what I think of you wonderful readers of my blog!!

Marsha, well said! On a after=school special note, kids, I certainly did NOT eat the wild mushroom out back, and neither should you! They are poisonous, y'hear. Now go be good boys n' girls : )

Allie, all I can say is that made me LMAO and even BOOL. Thanks!

bkdubya said...

What's BOOL?

Army said...

bk, it's just too racy to even post on my pristine and innocent blog... I'll email it to you : )