The Intersection at the End of the World

Okay, if I have to creep forward into the middle of an intersection just to see around someone’s SUV Monstrosity so I can make a right turn, I’m going to scream. Leave the land barge at home, you jackoff. Or better yet, why don’t you pull up to stop lights, throw your tank into Neutral, drop your foot on the accelerator, and pump all those noxious fumes into the air. Maybe we can combat global warming with global dimming, and all will be well, so long as American Idol isn’t interrupted by some far-off school shooting. Oh look, a celebrity did something human. Let’s watch!

So this non-targeted rant was just a precursor for what is truly pissing me off. Stupid people who think this idea of global warming is a hoax, farce, and so forth by liberal scientists and God-less tax raisers. In case you’ve missed it, we don’t live in the Dark Ages anymore. Well, maybe we really do.

I mean, basically almost every country in the world (160 to be exact) has signed and ratified the Kyoto Protocol. That basically means that all those countries will play by the rules and take active steps to limit their greenhouse gas emissions. But wait, the two biggest gas bags of the world haven’t gotten on board with reality. China, for one. No shock. And guess what, President Stay-The-Course won’t ratify the treaty either. Because China’s exempt. Yeah, that's mature. You know, it’s like, “Billy dudn’t have to wash up before supper, so why should I hafta?”

Way to lead the world there, Jackwad. Isn’t this country supposed to be about progress, leadership, and moral values? I guess morality doesn’t extend to how we treat this planet. You know, our true Mother. I guess morality doesn’t extend to respecting our elders, like the oceans, the forests, the drinking water, and the limited natural resources. I suppose morality is reserved only for phony wars, political favors, and Jesus. And if you don’t believe me, here’s an insight. About 150 of those employed in the Bush Administration are graduates of Regent University, founded by the illustrious Evangelical profiteer Pat Robertson himself. Can I get an Amen? Or can I get a Holy Shit!? Maybe we’re being run by a shadow Theocracy after all. And in this Theocracy, holy water has been replaced with holy sweet crude.

But let’s get away from conspiracy and politics and focus on some facts. The statistics are (of course) my own brand of generalization:

- We are dumping assloads of CO2 into the atmosphere.
- We are sucking oil out of the earth at a continually increasing rate.
- Glaciers are disappearing at a more-than-glacial pace.
- There are islands of trash (flotsam and jetsam) floating around in the oceans.
- The oceans are becoming more and more acidic.
- The Southern Ocean “sink” is literally clogged. It can absorb basically no more CO2 at the current rate.

No logical person can dispute these observable events. And how many can we brush off as non-human influenced? You may like the politican spin, but I prefer to get my spin from a know-it-all. Like a non-partisan atmospheric scientist who didn't graduate from Messiah College. I'd rather hear ideas from someone who's paid to empirically investigate, not someone who's paid to push agendas. Everyone take their places and stay out of shoes you cannot fill.

I take pause to look around me and want to break down. People have the audacity to pretend there's no issue? Or better yet, claim conspiracy? And who would do such a thing? Loyalist Conservative Republicans? The same people caught in a big fucking bottomless pit of quagmires? The same people running this country…into the ground?

And who’s letting them? Consumers. Producers. SUV drivers. Did you know that states with emissions checks for automobiles are unable to properly test the Toyota Prius? And why’s that? Because the Prius cannot be registered by the instruments. That’s right, the car fails the test because it’s a super ultra low emissions vehicle (SULEV). It emits almost nothing. Look at the emissions guides on the sticker next time you check out a new car. Look at the Chrysler 300. Or the Lincoln Navigator. Or my favorite, the aptly named Nissan Armada. If you choked at the abysmal results, maybe it wasn’t surprise that strangled you. Perhaps it was a smog cloud.

So call the Prius ugly and its driver a hippy. And call the person who buys into reality a conspiracy theorist. And call the person who carpools, takes the bus, or finds ways to limit consumption, an idealist. But call the people who ride their bikes when they can (you know, that Zero Emissions Vehicle (ZEV) you have in the garage)... call them contributors to a healthier society. And if it saves a few dollars by not consuming gasoline, I’d say this sounds like a policy any conservative would get behind, right? Wrong.

Because we don’t have those kind of conservatives in power. We don’t have those kinds of conservatives as the majority of the American consumer public. I’m talking about the fiscal conservatives. The conscientious spender. You remember them don’t you? Along with the dodo bird? What we need to spend more of is time. Time spent thinking about the decisions we make. Because the lure of shiny objects is blinding. And the deep pocket of credit debt is a siren’s song. And It’s calling us to shore, but worry not about running aground. For the shores are eroding and the glaciers are melting in an acidic cocktail stirred by super-hurricanes. We won't stop until our existence is the shithole movie that was "Waterworld." And that, friends, is one sobering possibility.

So drink up, whilst you still can. Because the next war will not be fought over oil. It will be fought over drinking water. Soon, that $2.50 bottle of water will be little more than the mirage in the desert.

Here’s to you, global warming non-believers. Your ignorance is bliss.