To Ms. Toyota-lly Clueless:

Green means go. It does not mean slowly roll to a stop and wait at the green light... especially when cars traveling in the same direction pass through the intersection. This town is slow enough with the Red Light Infinity, and yet, you've somehow managed to make it slower. I both applaud and gnash my teeth at you.

To Lounging Guy Who Keeps Adjusting His Ballcap While Talking on His Cellphone:

The driver's seat is not a La-Z-Boy recliner. If the hat itches, take it off. You look silly chillaxin' back like a smooth operatin' old-school playah. I thought I was being tailed by the Headless Horseman. At least the old ladies have no choice but to peer out the windshield between the gap in the wheel and the dash. I'm not trying to playah hate. But c'mon, man. Safety first.

To Guy Driving a Mazda 3 Whom I Could Lip-Read Saying "Mazdaspeed 3?" In My Rearview Mirror As I'm Waiting to Back Out, Too:

Yes, my Mazda 3 is better than yours. It's newer, faster, and black. Those make it better. Now get your purple car away from my tailpipe. I'm hauling ass out of this parking lot with the windows down and "The Killers" blasting. That's right. I've got some motoring to attend to.


Bubz The Troll said...

Take a deep breath. Smile. :)

Kirsten said...

Ha - try driving around Vegas sometime.

Adva said...

hehe, I like your play on funny

Allie D. said...

Toyota-lly Clueless: I thought this was a shout-out to me at first. hahahaha

Army said...

No allie, you'd be Ms. RAVishing : )