The Lid Upon My Head

Open It Up and See What's On My Mind

A bit ago I shared my profound interest in visiting my neighborhood head doctor. Or should I say tour guide. Sometimes I think Therapist's living inside my brain, like in that movie "Innerspace" with Dennis Quaid. Then she comes out to tell me what's what.

This time round, we talked about my recent restlessness. This town is killing me. I'm going to flat line. More specifically, the flatness of this place has pushed me over the line. I've realized how much I cannot stand stagnation. In life. In my environment. From me. From others. Sure, I resist some changes like anyone else; but if you know me well, you know I cannot stand routine. I do not like to tell the same story more than once. I get bored telling it. That's how my job has felt. And my life. All's a routine. Mixed in with a February strangle of winter doldrums. It's no coincidence that Seasonal Affective Disorder is acronymed as SAD. Although if they could lengthen the name to call it STAGNANT, that would be more apropos.

Therapist and I have fallen into this parternship -- see, she's big into Gestalt tactics. So when I make a meaningful (yet unconscious) gesture, she'll just mimic it back to me. It's funny. Now I make sure I repeat it back to her and make a comment on it. Had to be there, certainly.

Anyway, as we talk, the connecting lines are drawn - not only am I feeling stuck because of the physical environment, the SAD, and routine of my job, I'm feeling creatively at rest. As it turns out, it's not enough for me to be creative -- I thrive off of it being a participative effort. I feed off the energy of others. I like to bounce ideas and beebop and scat all over the place. Like when I performed in that spoken word event - that was great stuff! Sadly, it's too scattered and random in this town for those kind of events.

So perhaps my trip to Arizona will help me to rejuvenate energy, commune with nature (which is powerful), and gain a new perspective to deal with the realities waiting for me when I get back home. Oh, give me the strength!

Go Figure

I've done a little thinking on a few things. Some ideas are starting to swirl about in the old noggin. One idea comes from "Stranger in a Strange Land" by Robert Heinlein. His main character, Mike, is a Martian-raised human, who has different perspectives than his Earth counterparts. At several points, he tells other characters, "Thou art God." As another character notes, in a way, God is in us, with us, and of us. Hmm. So stay with me here...

My second source comes from my favorite sci-fi show, Babylon 5. Several characters in the show share the idea that we are the universe made manifest, working to figure itself out. We are made of the same matter that composes the stars, the planets, the trees, and water. Another fascinating notion.

I've never felt that a higher power pokes, prods, or tests me directly. To me, it sounds kind of egocentric. But that we are all an element of a creative force... I like that idea. We are a part of a whole that often works alone; but when working together, can accomplish greater achievements; greater understanding. Our quest to understand God is a quest to understand ourselves.

I'm close to starting my own cult religion, you see : )