A smith is someone who works at something specified. You should all know about the locksmith, the blacksmith, The Lucksmiths, and even The Poopsmith...we'll take this information as fact. However, I have recently come to embrace a "smith" you may not be acquainted with. This smithery of mine seems to be in creating new and strange words. And for those of you who know me well, this shouldn't be a shock. It's only this past week, though, that I've taken on the self-proclaimed title of Wordsmith and made it my own.

For the naysayers and side-eyed skeptics, I offer some of my creations as exhibits:

- Halterbum (HALL-ter-BUM) 1. a vagabond or miscreant. 2. a whippersnapper lacking couth.

- Nickergrousse (NICK-er-GROUS) 1. see halterbum.

- Casholene (CASH-oh-LEEN) 1. money. 2. tight, yo. Origin: derived from cash and gasoline, for something to be casholene, it must be wicked hella cool. For example, you could say, "Man, that bling of your is casholene!"

Fauxmosexual (FOH-mo-SEX-ooh-all) 1. a gay man that is not very gay. Origin: some gay men don't know Prada or Manolo Blahnik, Bette Midler, or interior design. These men are fauxmosexuals.

See also: Fasian, Flatino/a re: fake ethnicities.


C3PO (um, you know this one so no phonetics) 1. a robot in the Star Wars saga. 2. an acronym that means being fly -- Cool, Calm, Collected, Professional, and Organized. To be fluent in over six million forms of chill.

Fauxship (FOH-ship) 1. Sometimes, you just want to go out with someone for the free meals, companionship, and some action. It's not a real relationship or anything.

Mauish (MAOW-ish) 1. to operate with undue caprice. 2. devil-may-care demeanor. 3. foot-loose and fancy-free. Origin: a student of mine (John Mau) was often spotted moseying around campus without a care in the world. He was being Mauish, thus unknowningly forming his own ethos toward life, leisure, and whatever.


And anyone named Allison who dares contend me on the first two items for co-creating rights...well...you just meet me behind Poelking Lanes by the dumpster at 4:00 a.m. and we'll fight fancy. Start without me.


Anonymous said...

This is Allison's secretary, and she says that she will give you full rights of use of the first 2 words, however she would still like to meet you behind the Poelking dumpsters to settle the score...

bkdubya said...

Funny...I always thought I was "wordsmithing" everyday...or that's what we called it. When we write a contract or settlement agreement and then go back and add all the fancy legal jargon, we call that "wordsmithing"....Perhaps what I do is better called "word-mongering".....

Army said...

So, sending your office gal to do your dirty work, eh Allison?

Well, deliver this message to her for me!

"Nobody makes me bleed my own blood!"

Army said...

bkdubya, I'm sure there's a bit of gerrymandering and hoodwinking going on with your dash of word-mongering.

Scenario: A gaggle of lawyers drawing up a contract.

"Just throw another 'pursuant to' in there and we'll call it a day!"

Allie D. said...

That secretary's about as useless as a cock-flavored lollipop!


Sorry- that was a Dodgeball quote you used, right? :)

bkdubya said...

"..but we only need that extra 'pursuant to' if we add a Force Majeure clause!"

"Dammit, Jackson, you're right! Heretofore, I never thought you had the mens rea for such word-mongering!"