iRant: Highway Musings

Are We Where Yet?

So yeah, I'm skeptical of a lot of technology when it first comes out. I always have to ask the question, why do we need that? And why shouldn't I ask that question? Lord knows there are plenty of solutions to problems that don't exist out there... Someone has to police this techno-crap and gripe about it.

Here recently, it seems everyone needs some kind of navigation system in their cars. Whether it's TomTom, Magellan, or some other dude's name, folks need that GPS like never before. On a recent trip, I couldn't help noticing the numerous glowing screens in so many dashes and suctioned to the windshields. How did we suddenly become so directionless? Just a few years back, people rarely consulted paper maps, and those were usually road trippers. If you didn't know the way, you went to MapQuest or (if you know what you're doing) Google Maps. Now, we can't go to Walgreen's without depending on the robo-broad bossing us through every right and left turn. I mean, seriously. This is a perfect example of how technology has made people passive and responsive instead of planful and (dare I write this trendy word) proactive.

Out of no where, we are constantly lost and at a constant loss of where to go... Thank god we took thinking out of the equation.


The Unofficial Pace Car of the Highway

Why is it that whenever people see a Highway Patrol cruiser, they immediately jettison their brain, as if it was a smuggled illegal cargo? My favorite response comes from the lead-foot nosedive brake-job guy. Good one, smooth operator. The Statey will never suspect your speed correcting tactic, only, he's already clocked your dumb ass. See, when you notice the Statey from about 100 feet away, yeah, he's already clocking ten cars behind you. 'Member? Back where you ejected your common sense? Perhaps if you weren't on the phone while changing tracks on your iPod and finishing that Star-too many-bucks coffee, you wouldn't look like the ass hat you are.

And my favorite witnessing this week is when the Highway Patrol car pulled out into the fast lane from the median. And suddenly no one will pass him. Even when he's driving under the speed limit. Hey morons, we aren't in the first lap of the Indy 500, and besides, I don't think your P.O.S. Chevy Aveo would even qualify for a go-kart race. He's not the pied piper, you Lemmings. Pass him up! He's probably doing 60 MPH just to laugh at you idiots with your timid little toes tapping the pedal.

If you aren't blessed with the ability to split your attention and still operate your vehicle, don't do it. Maybe you should let TomTom take the wheel.


And Another Thing...

The entrance ramp exists so that you can achieve the speed of the highway by the time you reach it. Do I really need to say anything else about this? It seems that I do...

5 comments:

Army Mom said...

Thank you SO MUCH for this iRant! I have the same 'rants' that you do, as I'm sure most of us have...except those who give us reason to HAVE the rants!

My husband has a Tom-Tom, and if anyone needs one, it's him. In saying that, it should be noted that to end up where you want to be, you MUST have the correct coordinates or "elst" you could end up in a cornfield somewhere! LOL

The other day on my short drive to work, I saw a woman who had her cell phone cramped between her head and her shoulder, a drink in her and was fiddling with something on the seat, AND surprisingly she curbed her tires! Say WHAT? Have people REALLY forgotten what they're driving? Or THAT they're driving? Since when did it become more important to do anything else but pay attention to driving? And don't even get me started on truck drivers...

Pawlie Kokonuts said...

There's about 10 jewels here, including your twist of the $tarbucks name. clever and excellent and funny observations, per usual.

Bubz The Troll said...

This reminds me of the Simpson's episode where Marge made Homer get a cell phone and he discovered the power of his cars cigarette lighter socket. Deep frying donuts while faxing and talking on the phone among other things.

And thumbs up on the entrance ramp rant.

Army said...

Sing it, Army Mom! The only driving going on here is that we're all be driven to distraction... I think the world will end in a simultaneous all-car global pile up.

I knew Sunday drivers would do us all in...

Thanks Pawlie - I try to invent or contort words whenever I can... keeps me sane ; )

Haven't seen that episode Bubz, but if anyone has a handle on the hilarious details of life, it's Matt Groeing and company!

Allie D. said...

I worship you for this rant. Worship!! So true. All of it.